My husband, her father

I think that the ten months of pregnancy is a gift. It's time you need for practical things, like trying to pick out a stroller, have baby showers, etc. But it's also a time that you need for emotional preparation. I know cognitively that sometime in the next four weeks, I will hold my daughter in my arms. But my heart is slower and unable to fully comprehend this miracle.

Yesterday as I was typing some notes from a meeting on my computer, Stina, our cat, was driving me insane . . . she kept jumping up right in front of the monitor, wanting to sit in my lap (which is pretty much non-existent) and attempting to lick me. I became so frustrated with her and realized that my life is going to be a constant interuption once our little one is born. It won't be about me or my meeting notes anymore. And for a minute I questioned my ability to be a mother . . . to be a good mother. I think this is normal and I know it's not true . . . that these are just fears that are talking.

Women get a lot of attention during pregnancy. I went to physical therapy today for my back and sat in the waiting room pretending to read an article about local chefs as an 83 year old woman in a Carlson College sweatshirt stared at my stomach and smiled. I get a lot of unsolicited advice from strangers . . . even a belly rub from a woman at the dmv. But the positive side of this attention is genuine concern and love from friends and family. And then there's Nathan, equally as scared, excited and overwhelmed but rarely receiving the attention. True, I will be the one pushing a baby out of my body but Nathan also has a significant role . . . to be my support and to watch me in pain pretending like it doesn't effect him so that he can care for me during labor.

And so I wanted to take a minute to share my thoughts on Nathan these days. I believe that marriage should be public in some ways . . . so I find it appropriate to share this with you. Nathan and I have been each other's "one" for nine and a half years now. Soon there will be another woman in his life to love. As I sat at each of the baby showers, opening gifts for our baby from generous and wonderful people, I couldn't help but think about the women who have nothing for their baby. Who do not receive prenatal care, who do not know how to advocate for themselves and who may have no idea what they will do financially when the baby is born. And when I think about these women I feel incredibly and undeservably blessed. Not only will this little girl have everything she needs and then some . . . she will also be welcomed into the world by two parents. Two parents who love each other. Two parents who offer different talents and different failures.

I feel so fortunate to enter this new time in my life with Nathan. A man whom I respect, love, admire and trust. I do not take this for granted. This baby that is growing inside of me was not an accident. She was created out of Nathan and my dedication, drive and love and for that I am so proud. What a gift to know that soon, I will be able to watch Nathan grow and become someone new . . . to build a relationship with a little baby who will need him so much. I am honored to share him with her and her with him. And so thankful that she will have an incredible father.

So today I thank God for the kicks, for my marriage and for the family that will begin in the coming days. Life will not be the same.