Superstition or Hope?

I read many, many books and articles on infertility during the literature review stage of my thesis. And there was a common theme in each book where the researcher would equate the process of infertility with the grieving process.

Often times they would talk about superstitions as a coping mechanism to deal with the cyclical grief. It's not an uncommon thing to do. . . take an object, put the weight of your issues on it to become the determining factor on your fate.

With infertility. . . I have found that there is absolutely no control. I have a strong belief that God's hand is in this . . . that God has not taken a nap or forgotten about us. But that being said, I don't always feel the intervention. . it's not "in our face" by any means. It's a quiet presence. . .a whisper and let's be real, our lives are screaming right now, hard to quiet down.
So then come the superstitions. . .

Hope lit a candle for me at church
Marcia has a hunch that we will get pregnant in the spring
If we get pregnant this round our baby would be due in January, the month where we have like 20 family birthdays
My boss Nanette is going to give me the egg from their seder at Passover because, Jewish belief says that whoever gets the egg will be pregnant next

I want to tell you that this is nonsense. . . that I know that God is bigger than superstitions. But there is a thin line between superstition and hope. And when this process has lead us to cling to anything that resembles hope, you better believe I'm taking it. . .I'm believing in it. It's what gets us from one month to the next.

In Psychology, the topic of reality is often a topic of discussion. What is reality? Who creates your reality? And it's an essential question because in counseling it's important to remember that your reality as a therapist may be different than the reality of the client and which reality has more "weight"? It's a tough and philosophical question.

So where is reality in infertility? It's hard to deny that the one line pregnancy test means that the treatment failed. But then there is hope. . . hope is superstitious in itself. It requires you to believe in something that hasn't yet lived or breathed or existed . . that isn't yet . . . real.

So if you have a four leaf clover or a rabbit foot or whatever, send them my way because right now, we'll take all the hope we can get : )