Just a few moments and thoughts to share while I'm wondering what happened to the summer during some very gray, rainy, fall-like weather:
A week ago, Barbara and I watched our (mostly) faithful '88 Honda Accord drive away with a new owner from our second story window. I was ecstatic and prancing around the apartment: what a weight lifted from our shoulders! No more insurance for the Accord! No more repairs! We're a one car family! Then I looked over at Barbara and she had a tender, kind of embarrassed smile on her face as a tear slid down her cheek. "I'm pregnant," she offered in explanation.
Almost every night Barbara lays down for bedtime and we inspect the "bump." Who's in there?
I felt like a good, old-fashioned man on Sunday while up at the farm: hauled, split, loaded & stacked wood from the forest with Ted, Jay & Chris; rinsed off sweat and grime in the Red Cedar River; ate an extraordinary pizza dinner; enjoyed dessert and conversation, etc.
Imagining images of fatherhood - what will our nights be like in March? What will my days look like in July? The baby is so real which makes it all so strange because in my imaginings, it's just kind of a paper and dotted line child: if it were 3D, I just wouldn't do it justice. But it has to be something because there it is (the bump you've seen) and here it will come!
Barbara telling me tonight as I shared first year teaching anxieties about how even if I do a bad job one day, I can come home and the cats and the baby won't think any differently about me, and how that's 3 out of the 4 other creatures in the house, and that she might not even think any less of me. I guess it didn't make me feel less anxious about school, but it didn't matter, because it certainly did make me laugh and forget my anxiety for the time being. And I admired and appreciated anew my wife's killer, creative wit that she sharpens on me daily. Even when her body is being shared with a sweet potato-sized someone with influence and (ah!) fingernails!
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Nathan,
The first year of teaching is indeed like no other. So much of the profession can not be learned from textbooks and professors, you just have to do it! Learn from your principal and peers and gather your experiences as they come. Believe me, after 5 years in the classroom I still get butterflies on the first day. The day that you don't have them means it's time to leave the classroom. Good luck with the beginning of a wonderful adventure.
P.S. They do still like you after a bad day, in some cases, they might even like you more (go figure!).
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